TEACHING NOTES Introduction Relationships, especially marriage relationships, have a tendency to drift apart. In the Bible, unity among God’s people is a high priority and is intended to reflect the unity of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. This priority of unity is even more vital in Christian marriage. However, married Christians seem to have the same problems of secular marriages. As Christians, we are called to be holy or different from the rest of the world. Therefore, we must learn how to conduct our marriages, and all relationships, in a holy and unique way. ‌ Problem: Many married couples drift apart and don’t know how to get back together. ‌ Solution: Make unity the priority. Be and live as one. ‌ Why We Drift Apart: ‌- Busyness ‌- Unresolved Conflict ‌- Selfishness ‌- Individualism ‌ The Problem with Individualism ‌ Individualism: The social theory advocating the liberty, rights, and independence of the individual. ‌ Individualism is the goal of the serpent. Unity is the goal of God. ‌ The first step to a unified marriage is knowing the purpose of marriage. The best way to understand biblical marriage is to start at the beginning. The first chapters of Genesis give us the foundation for the rest of the Bible. This is especially true of marriage and relationships. So, let’s go back to the beginning. ‌ Genesis 1:27 ESV 27 So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. ‌ Man = Heb. adam - mankind, humanity. A better translation would be, “God created mankind” or “God created humanity.” ‌ In his own image = Being created in the image of God is about identity and it is our job description. The Hebrew word for “image” is selem, which literally means a statue or idol that reflects something. In pagan religions, a statue or idol was made as a visible representation of a god and the idol was believed to house the spirit of the god. Here in Genesis we see that God made humans to represent Him and house His Spirit. This is also why God later commands Israel not to make idols or statues that represent God, because God made humans to be His image. ‌ Mankind is created to represent/reflect God. ‌ Male and female = Here we see that humanity is two in one. Both male and female are unified in that they are both human. The Bible is clear that there are two genders that define humanity and that God intends for male and female to be unified. We might say that the biblical formula for marriage is 1+1=1. ‌ - God (Father, Son, Spirit) is perfect unity. - Mankind is made to replicate God’s unity. - Therefore, unity is the goal of marriage. ‌ Genesis 1:28 ESV 28 And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” ‌ God blessed them = Heb. barak - to fill with strength. You only need to be filled with strength if there is something to accomplish. Notice that this “blessing” is not material, but a command to fulfill a purpose. In the Bible, blessing is more about identity and purpose—not storing up material wealth and possessions. Jesus said, “Blessed are the poor” (Luke 6:20) and “Blessed are you who are hungry” (Luke 6:21). Therefore, being blessed by God has little to do with material excess. A blessed person knows who God is, knows who they are in Christ, and knows their purpose. ‌ Be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth = In other words, make babies and spread the family all over the earth. This obviously requires a lot of reproduction, which requires sex to be part of the marriage relationship. Notice that all of the complications we have added, like romance or struggling to convince each other to have sex, is missing from this passage. Sex has become a major point of conflict and stress in modern marriages for a variety of reasons. Our cultural obsession with romance and our self-centered definition of love has ruined the sex life of countless marriages. ‌ Subdue it and have dominion = God created humanity to rule the world. This job description has not changed because of sin. Sin did not change our purpose to rule, but it corrupted the way we rule. Why is there so much evil in the world? Because humans continue to allow sin to rule them. This is why Jesus comes preaching the kingdom (rule) of God. To pray “your kingdom come” is to ask God to rule the world through us, which is God’s original desire. ‌ Over every thing that moves = The Hebrew word for “moves” here is romeset, which comes from the same word remes in Gen. 1:26 translated “creeping thing.” This refers to the smaller creatures that move on the ground—like serpents. This Hebrew word as a verb means “to slink, slither, crawl.” As Genesis proceeds, we find out that humanity allows a “creeping thing” to deceive them and rule over them (Gen. 3-4). With the fall (Gen. 3) and with Cain (Gen. 4), we see humanity allowing themselves to be ruled by a creeping or crouching thing that they should have ruled over. ‌ God’s Blessing/Job Description: ‌1. Make Babies - This skill is improved by much practice. ‌2. Rule the World - Submit to God’s rule and rule His way (not your way). ‌ The job description implies that sex is a vital element of marriage. ‌ However, many Christian couples struggle and fight about sex. - Husbands often feel neglected. - Wives often feel objectified. ‌ Depriving each other is so common that it’s considered normal. ‌ The Bible gives us clear commands about depriving one another. ‌ 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 ESV 3 The husband should give to his wife her conjugal rights, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4 For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. 5 Do not deprive one another, except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ‌ Conjugal rights = Grk. opheilen - obligation, responsibility. Paul is not saying that sex should “feel” like an obligation. Paul’s foundation is Genesis where sex is each person’s responsibility to one another, because it was designed for unity. If a married person views sex as simply a requirement, they have the wrong perspective. Sex is meant to bring us together, not to cause more problems. ‌ Does not have authority = Notice what Paul is saying here and how it is the opposite of how we think about sex. In modern marriages, it is often the case that sex only occurs if one or both parties “feel like it.” If one party isn’t “in the mood” then the other is rejected. In far too many Christian marriages, sex only occurs when the stars align perfectly. No matter how uncomfortable it may seem to us, Paul clearly says that we do not have authority over our own bodies. When we get married we give that authority to our spouse. ‌ Do not deprive one another = This is a direct command from the Word of God. “Do not” is not a suggestion and Paul only gives one exception. The fact is, depriving each other of sexual connection is direct disobedience to God. ‌ Except perhaps by agreement, for prayer = Paul says that the only permissible reason to fast from sex is for devotion to prayer and must be agreed upon. This may seem strange to us—imagine saying to your spouse, “Honey, let’s not have sex tonight and spend that time praying together.” Paul’s use of “perhaps” (Grk. an) is like saying, “unless by chance” or “unless if ever.” So Paul is referring to a common practice of fasting from sex to pray, but simply saying that devotion to prayer is about the only reason to do so. ‌ So that Satan may not tempt you = Paul is clear that depriving one another will lead to temptation. If you do not take this passage seriously, and you continue depriving one another, you are inviting sexual temptation into your marriage. Depriving one another is an indicator that something deeper is wrong. Unity has been broken in some way. When unity is strained, and sex is rare, that is a recipe for temptation. ‌ Depriving each other is direct disobedience (sin) to God’s Word. ‌ Depriving each other is in direct opposition to God’s intention for marriage (unity). ‌ Depriving each other is a direct invitation for satan to have his way with you. ‌ What We Say vs What They Hear What you said: “I don’t feel like it—I’m not in the mood” What they hear: “I don’t want you—my mood matters more than yours.” What satan hears: “Welcome to our home!” ‌ Change Your Perspective Many couples struggle with sexual intimacy because we have the wrong perspective of its purpose in marriage. We often take the view of our culture that sex is merely an animalistic drive for personal pleasure. This lie was designed by the enemy to distort what God created to be good. In Christian marriage, sex is not about you, it’s about you and your spouse building unity. ‌ The purpose of sexual intimacy is not self-centered pleasure. The purpose of sexual intimacy is unity. ‌ Genesis 2:18 ESV 18 Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.” ‌ Not good that man should be alone = From the beginning of the story of humanity we see that God never wanted us to be alone. We are created to need God and to need each other. God did not create us to be independent. ‌ Individualism is NOT GOOD. ‌ Helper = Heb. ezer - deliverer, rescuer. “Helper” is not the best translation, because it implies a lesser role or value to the woman. The Hebrew ezer is used elsewhere to mean “deliverer” or “one who rescues.” The woman is created to deliver the man from the stated problem, “It is not good for man to be alone.” She is not merely a helper, but is the solution to the only thing that is not good. ‌ Fit for him = Heb. neged - The Hebrew word neged literally means, “other side” or “corresponding side.” So, this phrase refers to “an equal companion.” A literal translation of “a helper fit for him” could be, “I will make him a corresponding companion to deliver him.” ‌ Genesis 2:21–22 ESV 21 So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. 22 And the rib that the Lord God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. ‌ Deep sleep = Heb. tardemah - supernaturally induced sleep. This is the same word used in Gen. 15:12 when God put Abraham into a deep sleep to receive a vision, where he sees God making a covenant with him. In the Greek Septuagint, the word is ekstasis, which is where we get the word ecstasy or trance. ‌ Rib = Heb. sela - side. The Hebrew does NOT say that God took out a rib, but that God took “one side” of Adam to make Eve. In other words, Eve is the other half of Adam. ‌ Made into a woman = Heb. banah ishshah - Literally, “he built a woman.” ‌ Genesis 2:23 ESV 23 Then the man said, “This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.” ‌ Bone of my bones = This expression is likely why most English Bibles describe God taking a “rib” from Adam to make Eve. However, this expression is meant to communicate deep unity and relationship—not anatomy. ‌ Flesh of my flesh = This could also be translated, “skin of my skin” or “body of my body.” Again, this point is that the woman and the man are one. ‌ Woman = Heb. ishshah - Man = Heb. ish ‌ Genesis 2:24 ESV 24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. ‌ Therefore = Here the narrator provides a summary statement. It could also be translated, “This is why…” What follows is a description of the purpose of marriage. ‌ Leave = Heb. azab - to be unattached. As modern westerners who value individuality, we read this to mean literally leaving your parents (location). Ancient eastern people did not understand this passage to be about moving away. It is about relational priority and identity. Before a person was married, their priority was to honor and serve their parents. Once a person ‌ Ancient Households: In the ancient world, and still today in eastern cultures, a married couple would not “leave” their parents. The new couple would have their own room in a house with the extended family. They would leave their parents room and have a room of their own. Even if the new couple had a separate house, they would still live on the same property as the extended family. Therefore, “leave” is not about location but more about relational priority. ‌ Hold fast = Heb. dabaq - cling, stick, cleave, hold onto. One flesh = Heb. ehad basar - Literally, “one body.” ‌ The goal of marriage is not to be two people but to be one unified person. ‌ This kind of unity is exactly what Jesus prayed for us. In John 17, Jesus prays for the apostles and also for those who will believe in the apostle’s teaching (that’s us). For the apostles, Jesus prays that they will know God as “the only true God” (John 17:3), that He will keep them in His name, and that they will be one as Jesus and God are one (John 17:11). Then Jesus turns His prayer to us who have believed in the apostle’s message. ‌ John 17:20–23 ESV 20 “I do not ask for these only, but also for those who will believe in me through their word, 21 that they may all be one, just as you, Father, are in me, and I in you, that they also may be in us, so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22 The glory that you have given me I have given to them, that they may be one even as we are one, 23 I in them and you in me, that they may become perfectly one, so that the world may know that you sent me and loved them even as you loved me. ‌ That they be one as we are one = Notice the depth of unity that Jesus is praying for us. Within the Trinity the Father, the Son, and Holy Spirit are perfectly one. There is no division between them at all. And Jesus prays for us to have that same level of unity. Jesus could have prayed for a multitude of things, but He chose to focus His prayer on our unity. ‌ Application Ask each other… - ‌In what ways are we living “as-two”? ‌- What are we divided about? ‌ Pray Together: Father make us one as You are one. ‌ Conclusion Today we respond in prayer, worship, and Communion. We should spend this time praying for God to bring us back together and make us one. Our prayer is simple: “Father make us one as You and Jesus and the Spirit are one.” Then we take Jesus in through Communion to celebrate this kind of unity.