TEACHING NOTES ‌ Introduction ‌Last week we learned how the Bible defines love. The first step for strong relationships is to have a biblical understanding of love. Today, we’re going to continue with love as our foundation and see how that helps us when conflict arises. Most people have no idea of how to handle conflict. This is why humans continue to destroy each other. However, if we follow what we’re going to learn today our relationships with each other and our relationship with God will have the best strategy to succeed. ‌ Let’s begin with a review of Biblical love. ‌ Galatians 2:20 ESV 20 I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me. ‌ Who loved me and gave himself for me = For Paul, real love is about giving yourself up for the sake of others. This agrees with Jesus’ statement in John 3:16 “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” ‌ Ephesians 5:1–2 ESV 1 Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. 2 And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. ‌ Christ loved us and gave himself up for us = Again, love is described as self-sacrifice for the sake of others. ‌ Romans 5:8 ESV 8 but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. ‌ God shows his love for us = This could also be translated, “God demonstrates His love for us...” This means that God’s love for us is not a mystery, but is clearly displayed or explained in the cross. ‌ Christ died for sinners = Jesus didn’t wait for us to love Him first or clean up our act. Christ died for us while we were still sinners. He didn’t love us because of merit or good performance. He loves us even in our sin. ‌ The evidence of real love is self-sacrifice. ‌ James (Jesus’ brother) gives us the reasons that we don’t love like Jesus. James 4:1-3 tells us exactly why our relationships have conflict. ‌ James 4:1 ESV 1 What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? ‌ What causes fights and conflict? = James is about to tell us why we fight and struggle against each other. This is a major issue in relationships and especially marriage. Often we don’t know why we’re fighting, or why we keep fighting. ‌ Your passions are at war within you = James clearly states that the source of conflict is something within us. Our “passions” (Grk. hedone = desire, lust) are at war within us. Inside every person are a set of desires that are fighting for attention and fulfilment. ‌ Our conflict with others comes from conflict within ourselves. ‌When conflict arises, look within before you blame another. ‌ James 4:2–3 ESV 2 You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel. You do not have, because you do not ask. 3 You ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions. ‌ You desire and do not have = You’re not getting what you want. ‌ The Greek word for “desire” here is epithymeo, which is a kind of desire that manifests itself as an obsession. It’s a desire you refuse to let go. ‌ You covet and cannot obtain = You’re not getting what you want. ‌ The Greek word for “covet” here is zeloo, which means to set one’s heart on something or to be so envious that you strive to attain it. ‌ You do not have, because you do not ask = Communication is key. People can’t read our minds. Our expectations must be communicated if we want someone to meet those expectations. ‌ You ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions = This is about selfishness. James is saying that our desires are often wrong. Simply because you have a desire does not mean that the desire is good. ‌ Modern relationships suffer from a cultural doctrine that we deserve to get everything we want (entitlement). ‌ Conflict: The Gap Between Expectation and Reality ‌ When people get what they want/expect, there’s not much conflict. ‌ When there’s a gap between what I want and what I get, conflict arises. ‌ What we choose to put in that gap determines the outcome. Here’s what we often put in the gap: anger, suspicion (projected motives), resentment, silence, isolation, etc. These things only make the conflict worse. ‌ Followers of Jesus are called to put love in the gap. This means that we take Paul’s list in 1 Cor. 13:4-8 and put those things in the gap. ‌ Four Sources of Conflict: ‌1. Internal Conflict ‌2. Lack of Communication ‌3. Selfishness ‌4. Demonic Influence ‌ Paul gives us the solution for selfishness. ‌ Philippians 2:3–4 ESV 3 Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. 4 Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. ‌ Selfish ambition = Grk. eritheia - contentious striving, rivalry. This is a strong desire or motivation to defeat others so you can be above them. In other passages, Paul listed selfish ambition among many vices (2 Cor. 12:20; Gal. 5:20). Paul believed that selfish ambition has no place in the life of believers. ‌ Conceit = Grk. kata kenodoxia - according to empty vanity. This verse could be translated, “Do nothing from selfish ambition or from false pride.” Human pride is always based on false assumptions. No one is a good as they think. ‌ Count others more significant than yourselves = This is Paul’s definition of humility. Humility is not degrading yourself. Humility is not thinking less of yourself. Humility is thinking of yourself less. ‌ Look to the interests of others = Paul is not saying to ignore your own interests. Everyone must look to their own interests to survive. But for believers, we also consider the needs of others at least as important as our own, even more important than our own. ‌ Philippians 2:5–6 ESV 5 Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, 6 who, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, ‌ Have this mind among yourselves = Selfishness, conflict, and pride begins in the mind. Mindset determines everything else. Therefore, we must have the same mindset as Christ to have any hope of solving conflict. ‌ Which is yours in Christ Jesus = The mind of Christ already belongs to us, but we must choose to follow His example. Humility is not automatic, but must be sought intentionally. It is a daily thought process that we seek prayerfully. ‌ Philippians 2:7–8 ESV 7 but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. 8 And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. ‌ Emptied himself to become a servant = The Creator and King of the universe made Himself a servant to solve the conflict of sin. ‌ Obedient to the point of death = This Servant was so faithful to the Father that He allowed Himself to be crucified. Jesus put Himself in the gap of conflict between us and the Father. Jesus bridged the gap to take us to our Father. ‌ What happens when you lay down your life for others? ‌ Philippians 2:9–11 ESV 9 Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, 10 so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, 11 and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father. ‌ God has highly exalted him = Jesus did not seek to be exalted in the eyes of people, but was totally trusting in the Father for exaltation. In the same way, followers of Jesus should seek to be exalted in God’s eyes rather than in the eyes of others. ‌ Loving like Jesus looks crazy to the world. ‌ Many marriages have failed because they were too concerned with what others would think if they forgave and stayed together. ‌ Many marriages succeed because they are more concerned with what God thinks than the opinions of sinners. ‌‌ Conclusion ‌In order to live out what we just learned, we must be united with Christ. Worship and Communion is meant to unite us with Christ. Our response to what we have learned is worship and prayer to ask the Father to give us the mind of Christ. ‌