TEACHING NOTES ‌ Introduction Today, we end our Love & Marriage series with the topic of parenting. Those who are married and have children know the struggle of trying to raise children and keep a healthy marriage at the same time. It seems that Paul knew this because he ends his section on marriage by talking about parenting. Many modern Christians, though they wouldn’t admit it, see Paul’s directions as too simplistic. This is why there are numerous “Christian” books on parenting. However, Paul and the other biblical authors intend to be simple and clear when talking about parenting. WE have made it too complicated. Why? Because we refuse to live a simple life and that commitment to staying busy complicates life. ‌ Children can divide your marriage or bring you closer together. ‌Teamwork makes the marriage work. ‌ Let’s begin with the first verse in Paul’s section about the Christian home... ‌ Ephesians 5:21 ESV 21 submitting to one another out of reverence for Christ. ‌ Submitting to one another = This means that in the Christian home, each member of the family denies themselves for the sake of the family. No one forces their own way and desires on everyone else. This also applies to parenting. ‌ The Modern Family: If we were to survey American Christian families today, we’d likely see that most families are extremely busy. And most of this busyness is centered around the activities of the children. Many Christian families are rarely at home, neither during the week nor the weekend. Many Christian families neglect their church because their children are involved in activities on Sunday and Wednesday as well. There is simply no time left for discipleship or relationship within the home. ‌ Who’s in charge? If there’s no time for devotion to Christ and His Church, then Jesus is certainly not leading your home. If all the family’s time is tied up around the wants of the children, then the parents aren’t leading the home. That leaves only one other option: In many families, the children are in charge. ‌ If Jesus took charge of your home, what would He change? ‌Would you submit to Christ’s leadership? ‌ Ephesians 6:1 ESV 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‌ Obey = Grk. hypakouo - listen and obey. In the Old Testament the Hebrew word is shema, which means to listen but also to obey (Deut. 6:4-9). The biblical authors understood listening as obedience. They did not separate the two. ‌ In the Lord = This is how children submit out of reverence for Christ, which is the main idea of this entire section of Ephesians 5:21-6:9. The way that children submit to Christ is to submit to their parents. They obey their parents “in the Lord” because this honors Christ. Children obey their parents for the sake of Christ, who is the authority above their parents. ‌ For this is right = The Greek word for “right” here is diakios, which is the same word for righteousness. Therefore, Paul is saying that obeying your parents is righteous in God’s eyes. ‌ If children are commanded to obey, then parents are commanded to require obedience from their children. ‌ Children who are allowed to throw fits become adults who throw fits. ‌Children who are allowed to be disrespectful become disrespectful adults. ‌Children who get rescued from consequences become entitled adults. ‌ Proverbs 22:6 ESV 6 Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. ‌ Train up = Heb. hanok - to dedicate, consecrate, disciple in accordance with proper rules of conduct and behavior. This word is an imperative verb, which means that it is a command, not an option. We’re not just raising children, we’re raising disciples of Jesus. This requires intentional devotion and time. ‌ Is this a guarantee? Instead of considering this as a guarantee, we should read this command as the only hope for raising godly children. Children still have freewill and can rebel when they are older, even if their parents raised them right. It is also important to realize that Proverbs was written in a completely different culture than ours. In their culture, families were more tribal and children weren’t raised to pursue random careers. Most of the time, children were raised to become part of the family business. Children were raised to carry on the family’s name and tradition, not to pursue an independent career in some distant place. ‌ How are you training up your children? ‌What are you training them to become? ‌ Think about the childhood of many American children. What is the main focus? Academic education is the focus for the first 18 years, so they can get into college for another 5-8 years. Why? Because American families are fixated on wealth and accomplishment. So, our entire childhood is focused on education in order to get a high-paying job. As a result, we’re training up our children to be American consumers who think life is about wealth and accomplishment. And that’s exactly what the leaders of our culture want—more sheepish consumers. ‌ Ephesians 6:2–3 ESV 2 “Honor your father and mother” (this is the first commandment with a promise), 3 “that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” ‌ Honor your father and mother = Paul quotes Exodus 20:12 “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” The Hebrew word for “honor” is kabbed, which literally means to make heavy. This is a kind of metaphor for taking serious responsibility, because it takes serious effort to carry something heavy. Ancient Israelites interpreted this as a command for children to hold their parents in high esteem and to respect and care for them when they are old. ‌ The first commandment with a promise = While Ex. 20:12 is the fifth commandment, it is the first one to include a promise: “that is may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.” God was so serious about His people honoring their parents that He promised them blessing if they obeyed this command. ‌ Ephesians 6:4 ESV 4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. ‌ Fathers = Notice that Paul assumes that the fathers have the primary role of discipline in the home. It was the norm in that culture for fathers to have the primary authority in the family. Fathers did not leave discipline to the mother, as this would have been shameful. Greco-Roman culture was an honor-shame society. Disobedient children would have brought great shame on their parents. ‌ Do not provoke to anger = Grk. me parorgizo - to make angry (present tense, active voice verb). This refers to a continual form of harsh discipline or punishment that slowly makes the child bitter and resentful. While fathers are commanded to lead and discipline their children, Christian fathers must do this in a gentle and graceful way. Christian fathers discipline for relationship, not merely for punishment. We discipline toward what is right, not merely away from what is wrong. The goal of discipline is not merely to stop bad behavior, but to lead our children to enjoy righteousness. ‌ Bring them up = Grk. ektrepho autos - to nourish, feed, rear (present tense, active voice, imperative mood). Present tense and active voice means that this is an ongoing process. The imperative mood means that this is a command. The primary use of this verb is to nourish or feed, meaning that fathers are commanded to feed something to their children. Next, Paul will describe what fathers should feed their children. ‌ In the discipline of the Lord = Grk. paideia - training through practice or hands-on exercise. Fathers are commanded to continually feed their children with training or experience of following Jesus. This refers to the continual practice of making Jesus the center of everyday life. It means to show by example and also to let them imitate you as you pray, study, serve, give, etc. ‌ In the instruction of the Lord = Grk. nouthesia - teaching the mind. The first part of this word nou comes from the word for mind (nous). Whereas the “discipline of the Lord” was about hands-on training, the “instruction of the Lord” is about teaching, which renews the mind. As Paul wrote, “Do not be conformed to this world, be transformed by the renewing of your mind” (Rom. 12:2). For Paul, the opposite of renewing your mind is being “conformed to this world” or to be molded after worldly things/people. ‌ Sadly, most Christian parents are more interested in conforming their children to the world than leading them to be transformed by God. ‌ Are you bringing up your children in the discipline and instruction of the world or of God? ‌ Conclusion ‌ Jesus was the ultimate, obedient Son of the Father. His obedience brought us into the family of God. Our obedience to Jesus brings us closer to our Father. ‌ Today, our response to this message is to rededicate our homes to Jesus. We take Communion as a sign of our commitment to make Jesus the center of life. ‌